When i was a young girl, i always kept a diary. Everyday, I would write about the things that's happened in my life, how my day went, what I did during that day, how I spent it, even the most sappy thing like where I saw my crush or if he even looked my way. They were silly entries, I know but it it kept me together and made the transition from childhood to adolescence smoother and a little less overwhelming. It helped me kept my sanity.
That schoolgirl diary soon turned out to be a college girl's journal, and the entries have, in a way, matured. But still, i had trivial entries like how i fought with my boyfriend, or how furious he drove me. But most of my entries reflected how i was battling with my insecurities, my disappointments, my deepest fears, my ambitions and my views of life, love and surviving the uphill battle of life. Writing, has been my way of coping and dealing with all the challenges life's thrown at me.
I have equated my journal as my very own shrink. Someone who'd let me rant about my frustrations and fears without ever judging me. It just lets me express how much I despised how my life or how someone's treating me. After i make my closing statement, I feel much better and I could sleep with a sound mind.
I don't know when i stopped writing on my journal. I don't even know where I placed it. Somewhere along the way, with all the bustles of life and work and, lately, school, I have neglected my journal. There's blogging, but I can't find time, nor did i even attempt to make time, to write a blog. I guess I threw away the one thing that was holding me together as i struggled through life growing up. I hate to admit it, but I brought all of this mess to myself. Right now, my life's in total shambles, and my sanity's hanging on to a thread, thanks to my procrastinating tendencies. I brought this near downfall to myself, and now I'm determined to clear my thoughts, get my life back on the right track and learn to be stronger by myself. :)
Now the cynic in me and the people around me would say, it takes more than a journal or a blog to get your life back and save your sanity. It may be true, but I stand to lose nothing if I start doing this again, right? Might as well try this, it worked before, maybe it'll work again. like I said, i won't lose anything so... i guess this means I'm back. Back to my old habit of ranting, venting and raging without so much as a squeak escaping. Just some vigorous keyboard smashing, brow furrowing and perhaps, even the occasional sniffling and tearing. haha yeah.. i have drama queen tendencies :P
so.. good luck to me. May this bring me back to my center.