Wednesday, July 1, 2009

oh these sad songs....

I don't know why we seek solace in the lyrics and the melodies of a sad song whenever we feel sad or heartbroken. I don't think it's melodrama, it's just that, there are some things that we can't express outward. Sometimes, words can't describe what we feel. Or... words do express them, however, we cannot find the right words to embody the emotions we are experiencing.

At the moment, I preset my winamp to play those bittersweet songs about love lost. I'm not exactly a big fan of love songs, but I guess there are times when these songs can totally relate to the pain we're going through. I don't know if this is therapeutic, because the lyrics seems to speak about the waves of emotions washing over me. Instead of making me feel better, it actually makes me feel like crap. It feels like my chest is being crushed and I just want to curl on my bed and weep. It makes me zone out, and the feeling of immense sadness washes over me.

Oh these sad songs of love that's lost can totally bring u down. It's torture, but I guess whenever we feel pain, we need more pain to numb us from the feeling. And when we're completely numb, we move on. I wish i can breeze right through the process of numbness, because this is driving me crazy. I wish i can cry all of this out, I try, yet I fail. I shed a tear or two and that's it. I haven't cried out all the pain, all the hurt i feel inside. That doesn't constitute to being numb, I'm still on the hurting phase. My friend, Maila, says it would take me perhaps two more weeks to be completely numb. I'm not quite sure it's enough tho.... Because who am I kidding? I know, deep inside, I'm still hoping that things between me and him works out. That he would one day, do the right thing, and try to patch things up. LOL what a joke! For someone who sees the cup half empty all the time, I still try to keep a flicker of hope inside of me alive for a relationship that was doomed to fail right from the start.

I can't believe I'm doing this to myself. I'm wallowing in a quicksand of self-destruction. Over who? Someone who can't even decide what he wants from me. Maybe I'm just too caught up with the thought that we can have our happy ending. Haha... A happy ending... I don't think there's one for me....

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