Friday, July 24, 2009

Am I Running Out Of Time?

It's the 23rd of July now, and I can't help but think how time flies so fast. To someone who's in a race against time, like I am, I can't help but feel a bit jittery whenever I look at the calendar and see that a certain month is about to pass.

When I was younger, I felt I had all the time in the world. At 21, I thought time was moving so slow. I had just graduated from my previous course, I had a 9-5 job, I had a steady and serious boyfriend who I always thought I'd end up with, in short, my life was all planned out. It all changed when one fine morning in 2004, my dad sat me down and asked me to quit my job and go back to school and enroll in Nursing. At first I was against it. At that moment, life was pretty much comfortable and predictable for me and I didn't want that to change. But I dunno if it was my dad's persistence or my unconscious desire for change that I finally gave in to his convincing. I was 24 at that time, and there I was, back in school. I traded my office suit and pumps to a white baby-collared button down blouse, white pants and a pair of white nursing shoes. And that's when the wheels of time suddenly went on full throttle and I felt like I had to run in order to keep up with the rat race. Day by day, I took on the challenges of juggling academics and the internship along with making time for a relationship and engaging in a little business venture on the side. I was in the zone, I had it all working out for me. And then, graduation came. That's when things started to go a little bit haywired.

Now it seems like I had everything working out for me, how could things go awry?

First off... after graduation, I woke up one day, and felt that I didn't love my boyfriend anymore. I tried to dismiss it, thought that it was just one of those phases in a relationship where you feel too comfortable and that things are just simmering down. Boy was I wrong. After months of brushing off these feelings towards him, it suddenly went full circle on me that I just couldn't do anything but face the reality. I had to break up with him. It was the most painful thing to do. Breaking the heart of the kindest guy I've known and been with for such a long time was the most agonizing, most atrocious act in the world, but I had to do it.

Second... I'm broke. I was stuck doing nothing but reviewing and taking exams ever since I graduated. My little business venture unfortunately, had to come to an end because my main source of income (my classmates) and I had to part ways. Currently tho, I have been doing this night market stint at a local hot spot and business is picking up. It has its ups and downs, but like I always say, that's how the wheels of business goes around.

Third... I had to overcome a lot of hurdles that came with this profession. After I graduated, I took the local board exam and earned my Nurses' License for my country. After that, I applied to take the licensure exam for nurses in the State of Vermont, and while waiting for my approval to take the exam, I enrolled in a review program for the said exam. In between the reviewing and waiting, I took the IELTS, an standardized English exam for people and students that don't speak English as their primary language. I didn't have enough preparation in terms of review for the said exam, but I'm thanking my God and my lucky stars that I was able to pass it and garnered an above average score. And finally, after nearly one year of reviewing, preparing and waiting for my NCLEX exam, I took it and passed it as well. So yeah... in a way, I'm all set to fly off, work abroad and leave the monotonous life I live here and start a new and hopefully, gratifying one. But lol... life always has a way of throwing you off your tracks. The global recession has taken it's toll on the world's economy, and it has greatly affected my plans and dreams. But that hasn't deterred me from pursuing my dreams. I'm still working on it, I have my Plan B, and even though I tend to backslide into my pessimistic tendencies, I'm doing my best to look at the brighter side of things. I have to, I have no choice. I've explored my opportunities of working in Australia, and with my father's approval and his financial support, I have applied for work out there, but there's a catch: I have to take yet, another exam. This time, a licensure exam for their country. And, like always, I have to wait for my approval to take the exam. And I dunno, I guess the waiting game's taking a toll on me and my tolerance because I'm getting really, really impatient. I want to take that exam already, for crying out loud! Take the exam, pass it, move to Australia and start my life. Damn....

And lastly... being the drama queen that I can be, I feel like I'm left behind in terms of career and achievements. Sure, I have my two degrees in Business and in Nursing, I have my licenses but I don't have anything I can see, touch or feel. Sure, I am proud and grateful of what I've accomplished so far, I may be unemployed at the moment, but I have my source of income. I'm making pretty good money off my night market stint but to me, I don't feel like they're the ultimate accomplishments. I want something more, something I want so fervently, but I have to wait. But every day spent waiting, is precious time that's lost.

And so.. I'm 28, I'm single, and still waiting...

19 comments:

glorv1 said...

Wow! That is a lot of education, studying, tests you have done. You know, maybe things are a little slow but in the long run I think you'll win out. Your still young and the time will come when everything will fall into it's place. Hang in there. By the way, I come via the Not So Glamerous Housewife's blog. I visit her blog whenever she posts. She's a great writer, for that matter so are you. Have a great weekend.

ChiChi81 said...

glory1 : I couldn't agree more with you, that's a lot of education, studying and test taking indeed. It feels like all my life, that's all I've ever done, and working is just my way of taking a break from all of it. But yes, you are right, things will fall into place at the right time. Thank you for the comment and for your insight, like I always say, it's comments like this that makes me hang on and continue on with the fight to find my place in the world. Have a great weekend to you as well. ^.^

Zvonko said...

very nice post, nice greetings and nice day

ChiChi81 said...

ty :) you have a nice day too

glorv1 said...

Well it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. You are right about time being precious, every day is important. Your young and things will come your way. Thank you for adding me to your list. I just added you. Have a great week.

Juan Pablo said...

Stay determined! I don't think you're the type to let something get in your way, and you're so right... time is precious. I'm glad I read this post! Keep updating, I know things will work out for you :)

LLehrner said...

Its funny because I am in the same exact position. I graduated last year and have yet to do much with it. I am still nannying, which was my college job, and am considering going back to school for either personal training and nutrition or in the field of nutrition and dieting. I will be 24 in November and feel as if time is flying by and its scary. I wish I knew the answers to life, but I don't. Its like everyday I am interested in a different career and left confused about what to do?

JennyMac said...

Great insightful post. And you are far form running out of time. Every day is important and some people don't reach their biggest milestones until they least expect it. Best of luck to you!

alexeyuk said...

It seems depressive. Just smile and everything will be all right

Laiza said...

Hi Wi! I just know exactly how u feel! Have something for u in my blog. Do check it out. :)

Awing said...

28 is still young enough. dont worry.

Kikit said...

Life has something in store for us. Sometimes, it takes time to know where we are really heading. Take it easy. :)

By the way, I like this post. Sincerely written.

ChiChi81 said...

@Kikit thank u for your kind words.. it means a lot whenever i get encouraging words for my posts.

Awing said...

28 is still young enough. dont worry.

Laiza said...

Hi Wi! I just know exactly how u feel! Have something for u in my blog. Do check it out. :)

Juan Pablo said...

Stay determined! I don't think you're the type to let something get in your way, and you're so right... time is precious. I'm glad I read this post! Keep updating, I know things will work out for you :)

Zvonko said...

very nice post, nice greetings and nice day

JennyMac said...

Great insightful post. And you are far form running out of time. Every day is important and some people don't reach their biggest milestones until they least expect it. Best of luck to you!

ChiChi81 said...

glory1 : I couldn't agree more with you, that's a lot of education, studying and test taking indeed. It feels like all my life, that's all I've ever done, and working is just my way of taking a break from all of it. But yes, you are right, things will fall into place at the right time. Thank you for the comment and for your insight, like I always say, it's comments like this that makes me hang on and continue on with the fight to find my place in the world. Have a great weekend to you as well. ^.^