Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Test Of Faith
Too many times, I've prayed to God to give me strength, and He sent me so much trials and rough times to the point where I didn't know if I had the will to deal with them. I have asked for signs if I had made the right choice, instead I encountered even more forked roads. I have asked for love, but I had a bunch of heartbreaking experiences with the guys that came into my life. I asked for a break, just one break that would make a difference in my life, but instead of an easy one, He gave me situations where it feels like I have to pass through a needle's hole, no thimble at my disposal. Too often I ask Him "Why?" And a deafening silence answers my plea.
Did I ask for too much? No. I didn't. I ask what every single person usually ask Him. Did I ask for the wrong things? Probably.
But after weathering a lot of storms, I never let go. I held on to faith, cried out foul once or twice (I'm only human) but still I kept praying and went on facing the seemingly endless challenges life's thrown at me. Thank God for our inherent coping mechanisms, I managed to live through all the tribulations. And there it was... Like a bright neon light flashing right in front of me, my realization. He did answer my prayers. It wasn't in the way I was expecting, but He worked through me through subtlety. I asked for strength, and he did strengthen me. I asked for signs, He did show me by allowing me to determine my own path. I asked for love, He allowed me to fall in love with people who yes, have hurt me, but made me see love at a different light, a different perspective. And yes, He did give me a hard time to achieve the break I have been yearning for so long. I'm still working on it, but because He made it so difficult to achieve them, I have learned to value what I have worked for. He taught me so much more by making things difficult. I learned patience (which is, up til now, something I'm working on lol), humility and determination.
Life is complicated, life is hard. We pray to God to help us get through life, but He doesn't just hand us everything we ask because if He did, then we'd take things for granted. I'm still facing struggles, I still get impatient, sometimes I feel like giving up, but I keep on going. I know life won't pause and be still for even a fraction of a second. When I triumph, the world won't celebrate my success, and neither will it mourn when I fail but I know when things go wrong or things go my way, Someone is rooting for me. So I allow myself to bask in my little triumphs, shed tears for failed relationships and lost opportunities, but I keep on living. And I tell myself, this too shall pass.